The morning hours of Day 3 post-washing machine iPhone disaster started off the most hopeful. I thought for sure my trusty phone would turn on after 3 days spent in the dry rice spa treatment. At this point, the whole family is sick and tired of me not having a phone. Life was so much better when I was reachable, wasn't it kids? Sucks to not be able to get a hold of Mom! Why? BECAUSE I DO EVERYTHING. This no-phone having situation is just a pre-cursor to if I ever choose to go on strike. I am one-more-wrapper-left-on-the-counter away from full blown strike, so PICK IT UP! Yes I'm yelling. But I can't be too upset, because my kids actually do rock. So much so that two of them brought me breakfast during my "plug in the phone to see if it works" ritual. You've gotta love the bite out of the toast little piece of symbolism. This is why my kids rock:

     While eating my special phoneless-inspired breakfast, I plugged in the phone, only to find the same situation as Day 2. Turning on and off, white screen, black screen, white screen, black screen. The agony of defeat. Back to life support it goes, it cannot breathe on its own. Thankfully, Day 3 was my work-at-home day, so kids got on the bus (minus one - concussion kid woke up with a fever and sore throat. Yes, shake your head, true story), and I got busy with my day's work. During a conference call, my doorbell rang. Who could it be? Yes, Kathy Q. with my stash of silica gel packets! I think Kathy Q. was the first person in the history of her workplace to ever collect these annoying things that we can't wait to throw out (they're pretty creepy and have always freaked me out, but I'm desperate).

     This had to wait, however. Finished my call, then drove concussion/fever child to the doctor (cleared for activity - yay!; strep negative - yay!). I was almost ready to prepare my little nest of silica beads. But first, I wanted to try the phone again, just in case it turns on and the bead bath would not be required. As I started to plug the charger into the phone, it wouldn't go in. What the hell is this now? Pushing it in again, nothing, blocked. Shit! Rice! Rice is stuck in there. Why didn't I think of this? I'm an idiot (as evidenced by my previous dumb moves in Days 1 and 2). I need to extract the rice, but how? Cake tester! The cake tester is the surgical instrument of choice I will use to extract a grain of brown rice from my iPhone's primary orifice. With the precision of a surgeon (yes, another missed calling), I carefully maneuvered my way in and tried dislodging the foreign object. But damn, it was tight in there. It was like playing Operation and the damn thing kept buzzing reminding me how much I sucked. It got ugly real fast. Code blue. I need a crash cart. I got the rice out, but it wasn't pretty. Plugged in the charger. Flatline. Time of death: 3:46pm. A moment of silence...and scene!

     Then this happened:

     That's right, an iPhone 6. Dropped off my kids to all of the places they need to go, and I walked in to the Verizon store to weigh my options. It was clear to me, despite all of the lessons I had learned being phoneless (coming soon to a blog near you - Day 4), this was not a sustainable long-term plan. Since I'd been in a virtual cave for 3 days, I had only heard bits and pieces about the new iPhones coming out that day and all the people waiting in line, blah blah blah. It also happened to be the exact same date I bought my iPhone 5 (9/19) so I was eligible for an upgrade (isn't it ironic, don't ya think?). I did see this and it made me chuckle. I feel for this dude. I'm here for you buddy, I put mine in the washing machine and no one can understand you better than I can:

     The woman at the door says how can I help you, I say "I put my phone in the washing machine and I need a new one." All my cards are out on the table. "Oh no, you could have traded it in for a $200 gift card if you were upgrading." Would it be inappropriate to ask to fill out an evaluation now? Because she's gotta go. As I wait, I take note as to how much this store has changed in 2 years. Where are the phones? Headphones, tablets, watches, speakers, all sorts of things I've never seen or heard of. I'm officially old. Finally, I'm approached by a sales guy asking me if I'm there for the iPhone 6. "Well, yes, but not by choice. I washed my phone. I had no plans of visiting you until that thing died on its own, and I wanted to go to my grave with my unlimited data plan that I will now have to relinquish because my dog pissed on my bed and my phone went into the washing machine. I'm 3 days phoneless, part of me likes it, but I can no longer go on. You asked."

    Me and Verizon dude were a match made in ridiculously overpriced smart phone heaven! He loved my story and the sale was inevitable so we had no choice but to make the best out of time together. He showed me to the collection of iPhones, the 5c, 5s, 6, and the monstrosity that everyone waited in line for, the 6+. Are you kidding me? I'm not sure I would want an iPad mini stuck to the side of my head as I tried to talk on the phone. Good thing I'm not interested because apparently you would have to sell your first born child to get one. And even though some days that's tempting, today is not the day (I love you sweetheart). I walked out of there with a gold iPhone 6, insurance, a 6ft charger cable, a glass screen protector, a new case, and a Mophie...no longer phoneless, but penniless. Oh...Verizon dude said put the rice bag in the sun or soak it in ionized water. Apparently his friend is a "chemist." I watch Weeds, I know the truth. Day 4...apparently I will be blown away by all the new features. Stay tuned...