2015...it sounds weird hearing it, it looks weird typing it. 2015 is the year I turn 40. Forty is that age I always had tucked away in my mind filed under the label "when Mom and Dad were officially old." So this impending 40 thing is looming over me and the weight off it feels like a ton of bricks resting on my chest. Why? We'll I'll tell ya. I'm not afraid of "getting old." Hell, I'm not even worried about things like wrinkles and gray hair. It isn't a vanity thing. It's a time thing. I want more time. I want more room, more freedom, more space, more TIME. Time to explore, to wander, to roam, to taste and smell, and hear and see. I LOVE life. So at the end of 2014, most of which I spent, let's see, working my tail off and running around like a chicken with my head cut off, I decided I needed to simplify my life. I crave the kind of time that I can sit and watch the hair on my kids' heads grow, that kind of time. A pretty unrealistic expectation I know. So what does one do, when one desires to make a chance but is surrounded by all sorts of barriers and obstacles? I mean me, what do I do? During my hiatus from everything (about a week and a half in total - and I mean a hiatus from jobs), I did a lot of sitting (so unusual for me) and thinking (usually takes place while I'm on my feet like the headless chicken) about how to break down this unreasonable task into smaller, more manageable parts. First order of business, stop eating. I don't mean stop eating to stay alive, but stop eating everything in sight in order to calm myself down. Emotional eating is a big no-no, and I've been a bad girl. I'm currently banished to the land of fruits and nuts and lean meats and fish, none of which are dipped in chocolate. Grrrrrrrrr....Second order of business, reclaim the life of a normal person. Forcing myself to take a break helped me realize that my schedule was completely ridiculous and that I did not have to live this way. This is a difficult concept for a workaholic to grasp. My name is Silvia and I am a workaholic. There...the first step is admitting you have a problem, right? Third order of business, start making a list of ways to simplify my life, starting with small ideas and building to larger ones. The small will start with clearing clutter and making my environment more organized. In 2014, I was literally NEVER home. A day off was few and far between and when I got one, I had so much catching up to do that I couldn't even enjoy it. Bleh. I have to keep reminding myself of this over and over again because I will get sucked back in. So, my biggest realization through this process is that I literally do absolutely NOTHING for ME, nothing. Photography, once upon a time, was something that I did for me. I so enjoyed the process of documenting the little years. When I became a photographer and started my business, over time, I shot less and less for me and more for others. In 2014, I rarely picked up my camera at home, and really only took pictures for special occasions and trips. This makes me really, really sad and this has to change. So, to summarize, the game plan for 2015 goes as follows: Make healthy choices, slow down, simplify, and shoot (with a camera, every single day, just for me). And those, my friends, are the themes of my 365 project. It's 2 minutes away from January 12 as I type this so I'm into my 2nd week already and I've made some key discoveries. The main one is "Wow, look how much I miss because I'm not looking." Knowing that I have take a pic a day based on what is going on in my life, I've opened my eyes a bit wider to everything. I'm amazed! Now, given it was holiday break and all and I was still on vacation from work and I have not picked up my photography schedule yet, we really didn't do a whole but hang out at home, go to movies, etc. This forced me to primarily shoot indoors, inside my home, and in some poor lighting conditions. Clearly, this is more of a challenge for a natural light photographer. This forced me to pay more attention to things technically, as well. And I sure as hell wasn't going outside! Not during Week 1...brrrrr! So here it is, my recap for Week 1:

Day 1: Time to de-Christmas! I love this tree and I hate to see it go. Isn't it always harder to take down than to put up? As I moved toward the more hidden side of the tree to start removing ornaments, this is what I see. A little love note tucked away in the tree, a simple "I love you" written with a Sharpie on a Christmas-themed napkin. Melt my heart...(P.S. from the youngest one, my Emi, who gushes love and isn't afraid to show it).

Day 2: I almost starved on Day 1, but I made it! The house is officially de-Christmased and I spent today getting rid of clothes that hadn't worn for a while out of my closet and dressers and prepared to take them to Goodwill. While cleaning out my closet, I found this little treasure. In 2014, my twins were obsessed with they referred to as "big head books." These precious little works of non-fiction are a staple in our house, and sweet Olivia illustrated a cover and the subject of her "big head book" was none other than me, her Mother. As I was working through all of my spaces, I spent time thinking and listening to music and clearing my head and throughout this process of course I would quietly ask myself things like "Who Am I?" Well, interestingly enough, Olivia came through with the answer. "Who Was Silvia Jeras? The Best Mom Who Ever Lived?" I'll take it...

Day 3: Time alone with any one of my children does not happen very often and that's a shame. This particular morning, two of her sisters left very early for a swim meet and the other was sleeping over a friend's house. So Olivia slept with me (my hubs stayed in another room so that he and the swimmers could slip out quietly without waking us) and we cuddled, and talked, and spent quality time. Liv is such a caring and giving and selfless child. She'll give the shirt off her back for ya! Here, she's texting her sisters with my phone to check on how their meet is going and track their times. She's also checking Pinterest for dessert ideas - she is making them "great job at your swim meet" cupcakes. She's a keeper...

Day 4: My sweet, sweet Emi. From day 1, this kid was cuddly, snuggly, affectionate, and loving. As she's grown, she's become nurturing and protective, healing and supportive. I don't know how I ever lived without her. Emi always has a stuffed animal or doll buddy with her. If one of them gets hurt (usually because our pooch Coco gets to it), she bandages them up, sews up their appendages, and kisses them to make it better. Here, she fell asleep like an angel cuddling one of her latest animals, a little bear she named "Tinkerbell." I can't remember the last time I just sat and watched her sleep. I will do more of this...

Day 5: Sigh...Liv's been working so hard in the gym and home trying to conquer her fears. In 2014, Liv was invited to join the gymnastics team; she's a natural gymnast, gifted. But the mind works in mysterious ways. She's working through some tough things, and it's bringing her down. This was after one of many failed attempts. It hurts to see her struggle. 

Day 6: Emi had a playdate with her best friend Kiera on this Wednesday, a snow day due to frigid temperatures. While Kiera was over playing, we got word that school was cancelled the next day as well. Our playdate turned into a sleepover! How fun is that? 

Day 7: While packing our stuff up for a trip to Michigan for Olivia's gymnastics meet, I walked out of my room and ran into this in the foyer. Rush and grab the camera! I got it! As a parent, it doesn't get any better than this. Seeing them spontaneously showing each other love and affection, taking care of each other, holding each other. This is what I hoped for when all I could think about was having a family. This is love with a capital L.

Week 1 is in the books! Not too shabby...